Health Portrait Article

I sit awkwardly on a sunken brown plaid couch with foam padding oozing through tattered seams. I don’t see mold but I smell it. I wouldn’t be surprised if a ghost lived in this damp, hollow house. There is blaring music that drowns out the conversations of the people scattered around me. It’s like trying to describe sour. And I am bitter in my bones. There isn’t enough air in here. I am breathing another life. You are sitting right next to me and still I can’t reach you, it’s like trying to catch wind. And I am exhausted and empty. It’s been three years and I ended up here. Distant to your truth. Distant to mine. Our hearts are out of rhythm, our laughter forced. The absence of what you were haunts me. You live in the fabrication of something beyond oblivion, beyond my comprehension.

My choices led me here. Your choices led you there. We walk further apart. I want to run. But I want to do right. Do good. Help you. Why can’t I be like Eleanor Roosevelt, Rosa Parks, or some mythological legendary woman? The blood in my veins feels glacial. I can’t win against illusion.

I want to see your hopes alive in your sea green eyes. I want to be your faith. I want to be your heroine. 

I stand outside the hollow house, in the quiet and thick stillness of night, eclipsed by the moon. I pray. My hands soften. My breath expands. You are held. I glance in the window as you dissolve into a ghost.

_

Relationships. Relating. Connecting. A human requirement. There are sweet ones and ones that disintegrate. They are innocent and pure. Fleeting and potent. They are a birthplace for learning. They are reflections of us. To see ourselves more clearly. They are an essential ingredient for our health. Connection and social ties have more effect on our life span than whether we smoke or exercise. It is an integral facet of our health. In fact, the opposite of addiction isn’t sobriety, it’s connection.

If you have been in broken, romantic relationships, venomous friendships, or disconnected from the relationship with yourself, this is a part of your health, like what you eat and how you move. You are what you eat. You are who you surround yourself with. People feed and nourish you or they deplete you. And we learn from them all. Just like we learn what tastes good to us and what doesn’t, what exercise routine benefits us and which don’t, and who feels like sunshine and who doesn’t. It’s when we are in a state of being unwell that it’s so blindingly clear how much we value the full landscape of our health. We straight up take it for granted sometimes. I know I do. I see it with my patients when they are injured and in my own injuries as one example. It’s not always rainbows and butterflies. We might even be stuck in a repetitive pattern, as I was in the scene at the beginning. I was lost in helper mode and cycling in chronic hope. The influence of chemicals was way beyond the blurry horizon of my abilities. I found the answer. To let go of the unhealthy relationship. We can share our support and love, even if it’s from afar. And sometimes prayer is all we can offer when the relationship is deemed unhealthy. We learn from our experiences and see with more clarity. We rise. We lift each other up. We find sunshine and can be sunshine for someone else.

“All of our hearts are destined to be broken. It’s what we do with those pieces that makes us extraordinary.” - Jewel

Let’s keep excavating a little deeper… How do you define “health” in one word, what’s the emotion associated with what you feel? It could be: Joy. Heal. Calm. Connection. Relax. Happy.

Write your word down and then ask: What does “health” mean to you in the big picture, the whole scope of the definition and how you find that feeling.

Right from Wikipedia: “The definition of HEALTH is the state of being free from illness or injury. It’s a person’s mental or physical condition of being sound in body, mind and spirit. It’s a toast to someone’s well-being. Synonyms: wellness, heartiness, wholeness, soundness.”

Each one of us has a distinct, dynamic definition of health. What makes you thrive is different from what makes me thrive. We are all unique humans in various phases of life, we have different genes, environments, conditions, lifestyles and histories.

Next, from your definition, and using all five of your senses, what is your self portrait of health? Close your eyes and imagine the picture you paint of your health. Begin with your tool of choice, a paintbrush, crayon, pencil or a piece of chalk and go to a blank canvas…

What do you see in your scene?

Where are you? What is the landscape?

What colors surround you?

What’s the weather? And temperature?

Is anyone with you?

What are you doing?

On a visceral level-

What do you smell?

What sounds do you hear?

Do you taste anything?

How do you feel in your skin?

Who are you connecting with?

Keep exploring the kaleidoscope of your painting, to make the scene tangible. Stay with it until you capture your internal mood and emotions through all the sensations that are surfacing or not surfacing. Perhaps there are in fact fluttering butterflies present, inside of you. Pay attention to the details, the experience is real; it’s not an illusion, rather it’s an imprint. A polaroid snapshot of your health. This composition is the art of your life.

“I don’t want my music to be my best work of art, I want my life to be my best work of art.” - Jewel

We are continually navigating the light and dark of our health. Daily. Adjusting to the parameters that life delivers and excavating new paths. We may lapse from good habits from what we eat and drink, to how we move and workout, to the relationships we form, to not taking care of our home, to ultimately not nurturing ourselves. Sometimes we detour from paying attention to our needs and get bucked off the wagon from our #1 priority: Health. One of my favorite poets Ralph Waldo Emerson says: “The first wealth is health.” It absolutely is! Health is all the things our bodies, hearts and minds consume. We have the power to discern from what is leading us toward or away from our well-being. And sometimes we get distracted, or unfortunately it’s taken away from us. However, like a flashlight we can choose to shine light into the shadows to find our way again.

Health isn’t necessarily a goal or something to achieve, rather it’s a lifestyle. It’s an open and expansive arena to discover what works for YOU to function optimally, at your highest level of feeling good, not in the heroin kind of way, but the feeling good from the inside, from your interior heroine. From within the nucleus of your cells. From your inner sunshine.

Connect to your internal compass. Keep it simple. Moderate. Adjust. Calibrate. Be curious. Listen. With all your senses. And ask the simple yet profound health questions:

1.     Are you getting quality sleep?

2.     Are you hydrated?

3.     What are you eating, and are you chewing your food thoroughly?

4.     What’s your poop situation?

5.     Are you moving, and how?

6.     Are you listening to your intuition?  

7.     Are you frequently sick?

8.     Who are you surrounding yourself with? Do they make you laugh? How does your heart feel after spending time with them?

9.     When was the last time you gave and received a hug?

10.  How well are you breathing?

11.  What do you prioritize?

12.  What do you do for fun?

13.  How do you feel in this moment?

14.  What other questions do you ask yourself to connect with you…

These basic questions are an invitation to check in. Return to them, like the sun returns to rise. Keep rising and step out of your old cycle into your new personal pattern. Like the sunrise and sunset, no two are alike. Create the art of your life.

You are sunshine, share your light~

Cheers to your good health,

Amanda

“You are so much sunshine in every square inch.” –Walt Whitman